Lead not for the applause

LEAD NOT FOR THE APPLAUSE

Henri Nouwen’s book, In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership (1994) took me a few hours to read, but I fear it’ll take me a lifetime to live. His anti-intuitive advice on leadership couldn’t be timelier for me since the question that drove me to pursue further studies has been: How do you develop leaders who develop leaders? Perhaps through this little book, I am catching the first glimpses of an answer, but it is very different from what I expected.

• Do not lead out of your competence, lead out of your vulnerability.
• Do not lead out of your self-confidence; lead out of your fullness in knowing you are loved unconditionally, completely, without limits by God the Father.
• Do not lead like the “Lone Ranger Pilgrim”; lead willing to be hidden behind or alongside of others unseen, not in the spotlight.
• Do not lead for the applause you may acquire; lead others to follow the One you so fervently follow.
• Do not purpose to lead in this manner as if it were a TO-DO-LIST item that you could eventually check off your list.

To lead in this manner is not a question of working harder, or knowing the right model to emulate, learning the right skill set, reading the right books, knowing the right people, growing in my competencies. This, by the way, is precisely how I was approaching my time of studies at Trinity. Thank you Lord for showing me just how misguided I have been.

Nouwen (1994) points out that you can only overcome these temptations by adopting spiritual practices, something akin to learning to run a marathon by diligently jogging and training everyday. The spiritual discipline of contemplative prayer reminds us that being a leader is not about feeling important and competent; it is all about answering the question Christ put to Peter before he sent him on a mission to feed His sheep. Do I love you Jesus? Do I love you Jesus? Do I love you Jesus? Pondering that question reminds me that leading is not about me, it is not about what I do or do not do. It is not about my successes and accomplishments nor about the goals I set and reach. It is all about knowing that I am loved unconditionally and without limits and in response to His first love (I John 4:19) I can guide others to be loved by Him as well.

The spiritual disciplines of confession and forgiveness will keep you vulnerable and aware of your need for others, definitely not traits most leadership books would preach about! Do I make it a regular practice to admit my shortcomings to my team? Not enough since most of them see me as “having it all together.” A friend of ours asked me the other day: Have you ever struggled with this? My husband Alfredo quickly jumped in and described a time in our marriage when we struggled with something similar but I was left with the sensation that even to our closest friends, I can unwittingly project a competent attitude which will inevitably create distance.

Last night a friend of mine asked me how I am and I proceeded to answer her commenting on how I am learning a new way to host short-term missions teams, how much I loved teaching my daughter’s second-grade class about heaven…. She perceptively replied: Why do you tend to comment on the externals of your life and not the internals. You tell me what you are doing but not how you are being.

That made me stop multi-tasking, look at the screen (we were on instant messenger) and ponder. Well, maybe because I usually am asking that question. Two, maybe because I have to start talking in order to eventually figure out how I am really doing inside. That is tough to do on-screen. But what if my two friends’ comments are related to what Henri Nouwen writes about the temptation for leaders to feel important, like when Jesus was tempted to turn the stones into bread. As a missionary I feel under constant pressure (mostly from within) to promote myself and the ministry. A part of me feels like I have to prove I am worthy of support, that by producing results I am “earning” it. I would do well to write and share what I do on this blog and otherwise out of a profound sense of being loved by God unconditionally, not to impress or gain applause. So the next time someone asks me how are you? Why not refer to my internal state of being and say something like: I am trying to be different. I am striving to be humble. I am struggling to become irrelevant.

No doubt that might make for some interesting conversations.

I would welcome any comments or insights you might like to give me as I proceed in this journey. If you haven’t tasted Henri Nouwen’s books, I assure you will enjoy a feast with this book: In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership (1994).

Sincerely trying to be irrelevant,

Lisa