What odd advice.One would prefer to avoid the pain not embrace it.
Yet with regards to the loss of my parents I have to remember this sage advice: Embrace the memories that coming to Pittsburgh brings. Embrace the bitter sweetness of familiar streets, neighborhoods, shopping plazas, restaurants and churches.
It’s here in Pittsburgh with every visit home that I experience afresh the pain of the loss of my mother and father. Since in Honduras I live far from anyone who knew me before I was a college graduate, there’s no one to tell me stories of my parents and siblings (Brian and Kim) or share anecdotes of my childhood or youth. So while it’s a source of delight to hear those stories, there’s also a twinge of pain at the reminder of their passing. Thus the advice: Embrace both the joy and the pain.
My children’s ears perk up when someone says… Hey Lisa, remember when we…They don’t know anyone in Latin America that knew me as a child. In the same manner, my ears perk up when someone comes up to me at church and says: I remember when your mother taught at Women to Women at Memorial Park Church… Or your father had such a great sense of humor, we sang in the choir together…
Yesterday as I was driving by Pine Creek Plaza, I pulled in front of the Great Wall, one of my father’s favorite Chinese restaurants. My mind was flooded with memories of long, lingering meals and talking in Spanish to the waiters and busboys from El Salvador who worked there (he couldn't get over the irony of Salvadoreans working at a Chinese restaurant!). The kids just climbed onto my lap and we cried together-after which I did order take out!
It’s just that we live in such a different world than the one I was raised in. It’s good for my soul to re-visit my grief with every visit home to Pittsburgh, to pass by Memorial Park cemetery and put a flag on my dad’s grave for Independence Day, to rejoice when some woman tells me how God used my mother to bring her closer to the Lord and God’s Word, to eagerly reminisce with my parents' friends about the memories and hear them say: Your mother would be so proud of you, of your children… you look just like her… your father would have said this or that…
I have tried to embrace the pain these past three months, to lean in to it for just like it hurts to be reminded that my kids no longer have their grandparents to enjoy, I also relish the fact that God gave me a rich legacy in my parents and an abundant heritage in Pittsburgh of very supportive churches.
Valerie, Victor and I return to Honduras Sept. 1.
3 comments:
Dear Lisa,
I've missed all the wonderful things that people have shared with you, and I'm so glad you put some of the remarks, etc. in your email. Mine of course would be about your Mom mostly and you know how I have always felt about her. I love hearing about her grandchildren and you and your wonderful husband even if it is a world away! Everyone here in the 'burg that knows you loves you and all you have done. Bobbie would be so very proud of you - I mean she "is proud of you". I can just imagine how much she would adore your children and husband. Only the Lord knows why she had to miss all of your family, work and successes, but I know she and the Lord are looking down and say "atta girl, keep up the good work"!
Love you Lisa and God bless you and your family always.
Lisa dear -- your email from Pittsburgh touched me to the core. If it weren't so trite to quote Bill Clinton: "I feel your pain." Hardly a week goes by without my wishing for my best friend to be there to spur me on, inspire me, listen with that wise and sympathetic ear. So of course, this is multiplied by the power of 10 for you, and being back in home turf brings it right up front. Your parents must be gratified to see how you carry on their spirit and their Christian commitment.
I wish the Apostle's Creed had another line that said: "I believe in the Cloud of Witnesses, including those I love." And -- most important, I HOPE I will be in their company again with all the saints who have gone before.
Thanks for sharing your poignant emotions. Love and happy trails back to Honduras. bettybb
My dear Lisa,
I cried with you as I read your email. I too embrace the pain, and the truth is at this point I really can´t imagine my life without my Mother. I still cry at the strangest moments because I miss my Dad and Cynthia. Like walking by the lady on the corner of the Viveros where we would go and buy a sope at some time during the day, sneaking out of the office. Or standing in the elevator at the airport, remembering the many times I took him there for some trip and then went back home and rode the elevator alone.
So. . .if we don´t embrace the pain, in whatever circumstance, we miss the chance to remember and smile through the tears.
Keep remembering and telling your kids about your wonderful parents, so they will remember too. "Benditos son los muertos en el Señor, porque sus obras con ellos siguen". May God bless you as He sings over you.
Love and prayers,
Sally
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